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Very short funny jokes - Best puns (20)

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg?
Hop in.

Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.

A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
His condition is now stable.

PEPISCO: Why is there music coming out of your printer?
EGGISTU: That will be the paper jamming again!

I’m getting really claustrophobic in elevators. I’ve had to start taking steps to avoid it.

I dig, he digs, she digs, you dig, we dig…the poem may not be beautiful, but it's certainly very deep.

PEPISCO: Why do mathematicians tend to marry larger women?
EGGISTU: Because they like curves.

"Your shit is my daily bread." ~ Michael, 36, Sewage worker

"Wherever I go, I’m greeted with much warmth." ~ Derek, 53, Fireman

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.

Two wi-fi antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.

It’s not nice making fun of fat people; They’ve got enough on their plates as it is.

Why don’t teddy bears ever really eat at their picnics?
Because they’re already stuffed.

Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I.

Notice on a shoe repair shop:
I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

I was trying to catch some fog earlier but I mist.

Toilet paper plays an important role in my life.

Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?
There are too many bugs.

I’d love to know how the Earth rotates. It would totally make my day.

He had his left leg and arm amputated after a car crash; He's all right now.

I wanted to tell you a joke about leeches. But I won’t – they all suck.

Is it really wise to invest with somebody called a "broker"?

Do you know how Moses makes his tea? Hebrews it!

A bacon sandwich walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.  “Sorry,” growls the bartender, “we don’t serve food here.”

How to achieve a beach body?
1. Have a body
2. Arrive at the beach.

Does your wife scream when she is coming?
No, my wife has a key to the door.

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