Drop down Tab menu for Site

TOP 5O VERY SHORT FUNNY "HUMOUR ME" JOKES - laughing tonic; laughing pills; written comedy

GIRL: Can you help me?
BOY: Sure, what's up?
GIRL: I’m trying to get this guy to like me
BOY: Who is he?
GIRL: I really can’t tell you
BOY: Well you could just tell him you like him
GIRL: How?
BOY: Just say it
GIRL: I like you
BOY: Yeah, like that
GIRL: Idiot
.
.
Nollywood sef have tire me ... how can Angel be putting on eye glass 😢
.
Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones; they have 206 of them
.
When you get angry, take a breath and count to 10. Throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that.
.
I used to think roasted corn was bad for me, so I gave up thinking
.
I like using big words that I don’t understand to make myself more PHOTOSYNTHESIS
.
I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “ your password is incorrect”
.
I’m warning you, don’t mess with me; I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words!!
.
POLICE: Knock knock
ME: Who is it?
POLICE: Police
ME: What do you want
POLICE: to talk
ME: How many are you?
POLICE: 2
ME: Talk to each other
.
If lying was a job, I know some people who would be billionaires /
.
That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master
.
That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die
.
Just once in my life, I’ll like to see a liar’s pants catch on fire
.
My friend thinks he is smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut on his face
.
That beautiful moment when you are in a restaurant and you see the food coming
.
MISPLACED = When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it
.
Dear sneeze, If you’re gonna happen, happen. Don’t put a stupid look in my face and leave
.
You know you won an argument when the other person responds: “whatever”
.
That awkward moment when you still can’t understand someone after they have repeated themselves about five times
.
That awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” 3 times and still have no idea what the other person said, So you just agree!
.
I told my doctor that I broke my arms in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
.
WALKS INTO ROOM “Why am I here”
WALKS OUT OF ROOM “Oh now I remember”
.
SINGING TO A SONG THAT YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW…. But that 15 seconds part you do know is coming and you’re going to own it
.
I was going to do something, then I got distracted for 5 seconds and forgot
.
That moment when you can’t finish a sentence because you are laughing so hard about the ending
.
That awkward moment when you are yelling at someone and you mess up a word. And it ruins the seriousness…
.
I love my pillow because it gives me different hairstyles everyday
.
That annoying moment when you finally get comfortable in bed, but then BAM, have to pee
.
EGGISTU: How long are your flights from America to England
FLIGHT AGENT: Just a minute…..
EGGISTU: Thanks (hangs up phone)
.
Eggistu and Pupa were driving to Disneyland. They saw a sign that said, “Disneyland Left”. So they started crying and drove back home.
.
Eggistu crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked him how it happened. He says,” It got cold so I turned off the fan”
.
Two eggheads fell down a hole. One said, “ it’s dark in here isn’t it?” the other replied,”I don’t know; I CAN’T SEE”
.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird….so I could fly over certain people and shit on their head
.
I couldn’t repair the brakes so I made the horn louder
.
Phones nowadays so expensive, you fall and hear a crack sound and you pray it’s your leg
.
Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing
.
The officer said, “You drinking?” I said, “You buying?” We just laughed and laughed…..now, I need bail money
.
I’ve decided to leave my past behind me; so just in case I owe you money, sorry, I’ve moved on
.
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
.
Instead of calling it the John, I’m going to start calling my bathroom the “Jim” That way, I can say I go to the Jim every morning
.
I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots…people get out of the way much faster now.
.
Look officer, I’m not being a smart ass, all I’m saying is, If you caught me then you were speeding too
.
Today’s special, buy one drink for the price of two and receive a second drink absolutely free!!
.
My phone’s low battery warning is the only warning I take seriously
.
I don’t insult people, I just describe them!
.
Sorry I missed your call, I took too long to answer cos I was dancing to the ring tone
.
Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing
.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin
.
That awkward moment when you leave the shop without buying anything and all you can think of is: “act normal, you’re innocent.”
.
RAINY SEASON:
Please were is NOAH'S ark This rain is getting serious
Share this article with your friends.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...