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EROS, PHILOS AND MARRIAGE - love at first sight versus love at every sight

Eros is essentially intense love. That moment great attractiveness strikes you like a flash of lightening and you wish to prolong the time you spend with the other person. Each of us has our own perception of beauty based on our own background. We all see beauty differently.You could find someone physically appealing, even if other people think he/she is just average. Sometimes, it could be such that, from the moment you first set eyes on an individual, you find it difficult to stop thinking about him/her. That feeling so loving, so tender, so wild, so overwhelming and breath-taking, and all-involving, a feeling of a passionate kind that's not easy to explain. unique instant connection ("chemistry")


Eros, sometimes tagged infatuation or love at first sight is not merely sexual attraction. It is an intense form of romantic love that has a good chance of developing into profound intense love, provided that the characteristics that are not seen at first sight are indeed similar to those the lover assumes, and that no external circumstances occur to terminate the feeling.
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Initial evaluations have significant influence on long-term relationships. While positive first impressions from Erotic love increase the chances of long-term profound love, the superficial manner of choosing a partner in love at first sight may have a negative impact upon the subsequent loving relationship especially when you find out that you do not have much in common. The love may be intense, but not profound. Rushing into a relationship rather than getting involved more gradually to know if you two have much in common could make you enter into intimate relationship with mates with less similar personalities, especially with regard to levels of extroversion, emotional stability and autonomy.
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EROS love is not the same as SEX as some people propose:
You have to like someone at least a little bit in order to have a good, lasting physical relationship with that person.  Love is a complex and nuanced emotion that develops over time, building as you get to know someone emotionally and socially, not just physically. That's where you distinguish sex from love. "The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it." - Woody Allen; meaning the pull to have sex is natural and does not necessarily mean you are in love. Just as love can exist without sex, sex can exist without love; great sex does not imply great love. So the idea of some folks trying to use sex to get or preserve love is out of place.
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PROFUNDITY:
Intensity means the degree of strength while profundity means the degree of depth. When we move from sheer emotional intensity to emotional profundity, what is vital is not merely that more time is spent together, but that it is time in which essential activities associated with the given emotion take place. If time is available but the activities are missing, the experience is not profound. Profound love can endure for a long time when it maintains romantic intensity on at least a moderate level while significantly advancing the personal flourishing of each partner.
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PHILOS:
Long conversations spent getting to know one another, especially on an intimate level (goals, worries/fears, personal history), often lead to love and feelings of attraction. Friendship provides more time to get to know other characteristics of the person, such as wisdom, wittiness, and a sense of humour, and to become involved in initial common activities, such as conversation. Although beauty has a powerful impact at first sight, the weight of this impact decreases as time passes and after we get to know the person's other characteristics. Likewise, wittiness has a powerful impact at first chat, but its impact may be reduced once we know the person's other characteristics.
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MARRIAGE:
Some people marry for companionship . This could be out of fear of being lonely or just wanting to spend one's life with someone. For such a person, it doesn’t matter if he/she doesn’t love the other party; as long as that person is sincere, reliable, and loves him/her, he/she is okay with marrying that person. Some people marry with the sole objective of having kids while some marry just because they feel that they have to . To them, marriage is a rite of passage, a necessity of life, and a fundamental part of being human. Some have a target on when to get married and they strive to realize that! Hence, the significance of marriage comes from its very occurrence by a certain time frame, rather than who they are marrying. As such, they don’t have overt expectations of what their partner should be like. As long as he/she looks okay, falls within a suitable age bracket, comes from the same social strata, and have the same religion (all external, surface factors by the way), they are okay with getting married to that person.
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Yet we still have the people who marry out of love . These people marry because they love the person they are with and they want to only be with him/her for the rest of their life — not because of societal pressure, not because they feel like they are at a marriageable age. It’s more important that they marry someone they love, rather than to get locked into a marriage with someone they don’t love. Marriage is a serious life-long commitment, which involves not just you but others deeply. Nothing will ever be as terrifying, heart numbing, draining, and unhappy as being stuck in a marriage with someone you don’t love. Why you marry is just as important as who you marry. it’s never a wise move to marry in hopes or expectation that something else will happen, especially when it's love in question. When you agree to marry someone, you should be doing it because you genuinely want to marry him and because that's the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
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3 comments:

  1. Hmmmmmm, thoughtful write up. Marriage is no beans, it should be entered into when all factors have been carefully considered. How

    ReplyDelete

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