GOD’S PULL INTO GOD’S POOL THROUGH THE GOSPEL – God’s amazing love connections; pengaze.com

MTN knows God’s love is everywhere we go,
Through Airtime we breathe per seconds, Air tells you of God’s love
To make you glow with pride when the gospel rules your world;
The Earth is Alert, so now you’re talking

 

As God’s Arsenal, I leave a pool of message;
Not mere sage in this messed age, for I champion mercy,
Working ACs make me learn the heat of life can turn around;
The Gospel to man’s city is to get man united

Yes! United in one body; the body of Christ,
Christ is the head; the brain’s naked without him,
He is the heart of my life and I am apple of His eyes,
Without Him, you are nothing just like lungs without air

The world will be a tomb without the word to make it womb,
Mortuary ‘twill have been but love turns it a sanctuary
Through this gospel of grace which is God’s pull of love,
Sin reigns in the scene until amazing grace is seen

A prayer of the word is a player of the world;
This terrestrial ball where men love to ball with fun;
Garments tuck into our belt as we’re talking to the Lord
About this very world by reminding Him His word

Still talking of the gospel, believers love the world
Through Christ the embassy to the kingdom of God;
We are gospel pillars made from mountains of fire,
Our house is on the rock as winners of a living faith

We’ve been redeemed by the Lord and chosen for deeper life
With an Apostolic faith by the grace of Omega;
In the assemblies of God called the latter rain assembly
I see you na first, reaching out with the gospel

Still on the gospel mission, reaching out with running shoes
To every race of the world polished black or painted white,
Saving lives is the vision, not interest in running shows
As I count worn soles by racks ‘cos of won souls for God’s barracks

I’m a pistol of epistles living life by leaving death,
For this I pull as a disciple; bulleted bulletins,
I shoot the bullet out till this bull lets them out;
Out of bondage for grace canceled the Bond Age.
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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - loaded laughing tonic series six; pengaze.com

WHO OWNS THE KID

Akpors and his wife were in court for divorce. The problem was now about who gets custody for their child! His wife jumps up and says; your honor I brought the child into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody.
The Judge turns to Akpors,
AKPORS: (calmly) Your honor, if I put my ATM card into an ATM machine and the money comes out. Whose is it? The machine or I ?

 

FUNNY COUPLE

A couple agreed that whenever they wanted to have sex they'd say "Let's make a phone call"
One day the man sent his son to tell his mom while she was busy in the kitchen.
SON: Mom, daddy said you should come so he can make a phone call.
MOM: Go and tell your daddy that the network is busy.
DAD: Then tell her that I will go elsewhere to make the call.
MOM : Tell you daddy that if he does that, I will open a call center here


CATCH YOU

Akpors committed a crime, and was being chased by two police men. The police men chased him far and far inside the forest. Akpors climbed and hid on a tree. The policemen ran after him into the forest and stood right under the tree Akpors was on without knowing Akpors was above This was their conversation:

Policeman 1:     (telling policeman2) akpors has escaped lets go back.
Policeman 2:     (telling policeman1) OK lets rest bit under this tree

So the two policemen rested under the tree, not knowing it was the same tree akpors was on

policeman 1:     (telling policeman2) if i catch akpors, hm he will smell his anus.
Policeman 2:     (telling policeman1) Akpors is a fool, just watch, he will answer me when i call                                     him now
policeman 1:     You can give that a trial. Let's see if he is that stupid
policeman 2:    (shouting) Akpors! Akpors!! Akpors!!!

All of a sudden Akpors who was directly above them started laughing and said

Akpors:     If you like start shouting my name from now till next year, I won't answer you             because I am no more the Akpors of before. Old things have passed away. I have really wisened up.


GUILTY


POLICE MAN: Akpors, how did you kill 47 people in a car accident?
AKPORS: I was driving at about 40mph. When I tried to stop I found that my breaks had failed. I then saw two men walking on the street and a wedding on the other side of the street. Where did you expect me to have turned to ?
POLICE MAN:Of course, to the street with the two men to minimize the casualties; so tell me what the hell happened?
AKPORS: Exactly what I did; just that when I did it, I hit just one out of the two. The other one
ran to the wedding venue. I sped after him and mistakenly hit the people at the wedding
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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - loaded laughing tonic series five; pengaze.com

I MISS MY FRIENDS

A Nigerian, an American, and a Chinese were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The Chinese wished to be back home. Poof! He was back home. The American wished to be at home with his family. Poof! He was back home with her family. The Nigerian (Akpos)  said, "Aw www, I wish my friends were here."

 

FRYING PAN TO FIRE

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

AKPORS VERSUS TEACHER

Akpors:     Excuse ma, if you mix omo and klin detergents together, will there be foam?
Teacher: Yes of course, why ask such a stupid question at the beginning of the year,
are you going to pass this class at all?
Akpors : (whispheres) Such a dumb teacher, how can u get foam without adding water, are we going to know anything at all wit dis teacher?


LADIES AND MEN PALAVA

Two Women were chatting in office…
Woman 1:    I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2:     It was a disaster; My husband came home, ate dinner in 3 minutes and fell asleep. How was yours?
Woman 1:     Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house; it was like a fairy tale!

***************************************************

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:     How was your evening?
Husband 2:     Great; I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you?
Husband 1:     It was horrible. I came home, no dinner, the electricity was cut because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took my wife out for dinner which was so expensive that I had no money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home, I remembered there was no electricity and had to light candles all over the house!

Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is....
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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - loaded laughing tonic series four; pengaze.com

I CAN'T SEE YOU

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
Tanfico: "What's the matter? Are you sick?"
Kappudon: "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

 

TEACHER'S LESSON

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Eggistu: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Eggistu: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.


DAD VERSUS MUM

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

NOT WHAT I MEAN

Eggistu: "I was born in California."
Akpos: "Which part?"
Eggistu: "All of me."

THIS IS WORSE

Simbi: Ali says I'm pretty while Eggistu says I'm ugly. What do you think, Akpos?
Akpos: A little bit of both. I think you are pretty ugly.
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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic series three; pengaze.com

ANSWERED GUESS

Eggistu: "Akpos, Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
Akpos: "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
Eggistu: "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them."

 

FANTASY

Akpos: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation.
Doctor: Yes, of course.
Akpos: Great. I never could before.


AKPORS Vs EGGISTU

Akpors sees Eggistu on a monday morning
Akpors:     Is this a ghost or human being
Eggistu: Still a human being for now actually
Akpors:     Oh, so you're still alive after telling me yesterday that you'll commit sucide before today
Eggistu: I later changed my mind when I reasoned it to be illegal; I don't want to be a wanted criminal, you know
Akpors:     But nobody goes to Jail when they die!
Eggistu: Haven't you heard of the saying " WANTED DEAD or ALIVE"


GOD DID IT

Alinco was lying unconscious on a hospital bed. After a week he finally regained consciousness. The doctor was immediately summoned.
DOCTOR: Your recovery was a miracle.
ALINCO: Thank God! That means I don't have to pay you.
One word to describe Alinco


LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER

Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good... mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, it's just that she talks too much in school. I've got an idea I want to try, which I think may break her habit of talking too much."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic series two; pengaze.com

BOY ALINCO

In a chemistry class, the teacher asked the students to name the atmospheric gases:

Musa: oxygen.
Teacher: Good.
Kasali: Nitrogen.
Teacher: That's my boy!!!!
Esther: Hydrogen.
Teacher: Wonderful!!!!!! !
Alinco: Tear gas.
Teacher: Alinco, you have one more chance, else you will be punished.
Alinco thinks hard and says, "Fabregas"

DOCTOR KAPPUDON

A Journalist went to interview the doctor of a mental hospital & the following conversation ensued :

Journalist : How do you determine whether to admit a patient or not ?
Doctor Kappudon : Well, we first fill a bathtub with water and then give a teaspoon, a glass cup and a bucket to the patient and ask him/her to empty the bathtub.
Journalist : Obviously a normal person would use the bucket since it’s bigger.
Doctor Kappudon : No, you’re stupid! A normal person would pull the DRAIN PLUG! Nurse, admit this idiot in Ward 7.


YOU MISINTERPRETED

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."


PLAYING PRANKS

    Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

NO MORE APPLAUSE

A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Eggistu: No, he did it all by himself.
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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic series one at pengaze.com

GOAT'S DAUGHTER

A crowd was gathered at an an accident scene. A smart and nosey journalist (Pepisco) wanted to get a first hand story and so shouted at the crowd, "Make Way, I am the victim's daughter!" The crowd slowly paved way for her......On getting there, lying lifeless in front of the car was a goat!.

SUICIDE MISSION

A neighbour walks into Kappudon's room and sees him standing on a table with a rope hanging from the ceiling fan to his waist.

Neighbour: What are you trying to do ?
Kappudon: I'm trying to commit suicide
Neighbour: So why did you tie the rope to your waist and not your neck
Kappudon: It's a long story. I almost died when I tied it to my neck.


I TOO KNOW

Mrs Mamuli got to class and asked her students to say the numbers she wrote on the board in words!She wrote (888) and gave them a clue that it's- eight hundred and eighty... Pepisco jumped up to conclude it by saying, "eight." The teacher applauded her
Mrs Mamuli wrote (666) and Alinco gave the answer- Six hundred and sixty-six! Mrs Mamuli was enjoying the lesson as she kept on praising the students. This went on and on for a while until she wrote (111) and asked Eggistu for an answer.
Eggistu replied by saying, "One hundred and ele......Just then Akpors interrupted by saying, "Oh my God, how can Eggistu not know the answer to this simple question! It's certainly One hundred and Onenty-One!"


WATCH AND DIE

Akpors: I want my money now!
Eggistu: I'll kill myself so that I won't pay you (PAOW) he shot himself and died
Akpors: hahaha..... If you think you'll get away with my money, then you're wrong, I'll follow you until you pay me my money. He takes the gun and shoots himself too
Alinco who was watching from a distance laughed and said "these guys are so funny that I want to watch this till the very end".... he took the gun and killed himself as well


DEBRA TO ZEBRA

Mr Akpors' fiancee said to him, “Now that we are engaged, we should start
calling each other pet names”.
He asked her, “So what do u want to be calling me?”
She said, "I will be calling u TIGER”.
“Why?”, he asked. "Cos u’re handsome, tall, charming, strong, calculating, smart
and very good in BEDmatics”. She then asked, “What will u be calling me?”
Mr Akpors said, "Zebra" The lady still smiling seductively replies, “Wow, that’s lovely & sweet. Why did u choose such a lovely name? Did you get it get it from my name, Debra."
“No, not at all. It's because because of your STRETCH MARKS”

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GOD’S LOVE IS CLEAR AND PLAIN – gospel poems at pengaze.com

I was a victim as a sinner but now victor as winner
Because the Lord Jesus Christ took me to dinner
Making His love finer to make my path cleaner

 

It is Jesus that you tease whenever you sin in ease
Don’t let the devil’s breeze let evil make you freeze
God’s grace has appeared to make your sins cease

Tell me devil is a killer and I’ll tell you God is pillar
He is the blessing dealer; without drugs still the healer
The tiller of hearts; He’s just the best thriller

Sin acts in a hurry to cut short God’s glory
Attracting death in fury; accident of a lorry
Reaching God with just sorry is enough to change the story

Make Jesus your pace setter to make your life greater
Accept salvation’s letter to break Satan’s fetter
Maybe life was bitter; I assure you ‘twill get better

The time of Abel rings a bell, vengeance was all his blood could sell
Cain had no cell but was trapped in death's cell
So the living well comes in for our living well
 

God’s love is clear and plain, showers blessings like rain
His presence subdues mountains and takes away pain
His power breaks all chains, only He could restore Cain.

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PERFECT FRIEND FOR ME – my savior, father and friend; his grace is my strength; pengaze.com

I was once bad with my life seeming hard,
Still, He took the place of dad and called me His lad,
Satan tried to make me sad with all the power he had
But God has made me glad placing me in grace’s yard



My weakness made me lame when I lost my Godly aim
But my redeemer came along all the same,
Blotted out Satan’s claim and called me by my name;
No more blame or shame; my name is framed in His fame

The fact is that I prayed at the times I was afraid
And He came to my aid through love that doesn’t fade,
Yes! My debt was paid by the sacrifice He made
To grant my soul the shade from death’s grenade

As I sought the face of the Ancient of days,
From afar, I saw His grace reaching me with bright rays,
To tread His unknown ways and trace his perfect pace
To the very unique place of His awesome base

Won’t wallow in fear since my God is ever near
To wipe away my tear and the burden that I bear,
He’s been a friend that’s rare who holds my cares so dear,
His voice I hear is clear to escape the devil’s snare

Won’t give up to sorrow but will fight till tomorrow,
All the problems that I throw to the watcher of the sparrow
Is solved in a row to sweeten bones and marrow;
At dawn, the cock will crow and my joy will overflow

He daily makes me happy; a perfect friend for me,
It is his divine key that totally sets free,
Opens doors for me to enjoy blessings that I see,
Parted the red sea yet asked me for no fee

These bangles of laws made me victim of life's tangle;
Devil tried to strangle me in this life's jungle
Till the king of the jungle set me free in grace to dangle,
He's my perfect friend and I'm secured in His angle.

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PENGAZE.COM – originality and versatility; a wander with wonder

Intercontinental zone
Where first rank fun is shown
To access zeniths of your own
From a guaranteed trust throne

 

You are right on time
For it is not a crime
To feel these vibes that rhyme
Without paying a dime

Inspiration on earth,
So much to learn on net,
So much fun you can get,
One of the best, I bet

The inspiration’s unique,
A lot of lyrics
And fantastic classics
That leads you to the peak

Acronyms of names,
Riddles and games,
Stories of a frame
That won’t live you the same

Not tantalizing jeopardizer;
Fertilizing sanitizer
Brain teaser for appetizer,
Grazing wisdom to be wiser

Building relationship
Especially friendship,
Securing you a ship
Of a happy life trip

Enough space still in the boat
To sail on jokes that suit your coat,
Lots of poems that make you float,
Of course, you got the sages’ quote

Making you happy is the vision,
Adding value’s the obligation,
Got a trusted dedication
To fulfilling this mission

Just the perfect site,
It’s content so tight
To make you content in the light
Of uniqueness to your sight

This is written as a bus
To make you visit us
At pengaze.com of course,
To God be the applause.

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NA ME BE CU-NIFES – lyrics of CUNIFES jingle; Christian Union Nigeria Fellowship of Evangelical Students; UNIBEN UGBOWO/UBTH at pengaze.com

CHORUS(eazy):

Na me be CU-NIFES where good things don’t cease, I dey invite you, come see Jesus
Na me be CU-NIFES where good things don’t cease, I dey invite you, come see Jesus

 

VERSE 1(samkleezy):

Everybody you’re invited to come; Special ones in HALL 1 can come
HALL 2, you too should come; You dey hear me HALL 3, come and feel the thrill
It’s for all in HALL 4; Run come EKOSODI to where it’s holding
If you dey SSQ, you got no excuse; JSQ come see for yourself, Jesus cute
If you dey BDPA, just let God be the PA; In fact, shout out to dem blocks of flat
The message I got for OSASOGIE, respond to the king called obanogie
All of you in DOCTOR’S QUARTERS, come believing the living and healing waters
HALL 5 feel the vibes as I throw you high five
UNIBENDER don bend, e don break the hearts of so many people
So CU-NIFES encourage you right now; No matter the stress, God is able to help
God will make you the best if you believe; Do your best and make sure you leave to Him the rest
A shout out from CU-NIFES, fellowship where good things no dey cease
UNIBEN are you sure you are listening to me; It’s CU-NIFES and the gate fee is free

CHORUS(eazy):

Na me be CU-NIFES where good things don’t cease, I dey invite you, come see Jesus
Na me be CU-NIFES where good things don’t cease, I dey invite you, come see Jesus

VERSE 2(samkleezy):

In Ekenwa we dey meet for part-time hall on Sunday by 9 o’clock A.M.
For Ugbowo na west wing of basement on Sunday by 3 o’clock P.M.
Na CU-NIFES dey invite you, fellowship with us, come see Jesus
In Ekenwa we dey meet for part-time hall on Sunday by 9 o’clock A.M.
For Ugbowo na west wing of basement on Sunday by 3 o’clock P.M.
Na CU-NIFES dey invite you, fellowship with us, come see Jesus
When ohers dey gbagaun, when others dey gbaga
You go dey gbedu you go dey gabdun, it’s a lifting up no casting down

CHORUS(eazy):

Na me be CU-NIFES where good things don’t cease, I dey invite you, come see Jesus
Na me be CU-NIFES where good things don’t cease, I dey invite you, come see Jesus

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