Yovi ft Lil Kesh & Mayorkun - Amen Remix

INTRO:(Yovi)
As I dey do tananana.. Some dey sleep falalala.... Sima. YAGI level..
Call me Yovi Yovi oh nah nah.... Sima... Mayorkun baby o... Oh Zedicus nwanne.. Swa
Nah nah nah nah nah nah.. You already know...L-R-R


VERSE 1: (Lil Kesh)
Alubarika mo toro, cos I hustle everyday.
As you dey bless Aliko Dangote so tey, bless me all the way.
Sheybi Oluwa lo n somo, e go do your own today.
Mo ni promotion and graduation and blessings all the way eh eh..
So mi lo ko so mi bo eh, ki n bode ki n kore bo ah.
Iwo nikan lalaye mi o, your love for me agape ni o.
So mi lo ko so mi bo, ki n bode ki n kore bo yeh.
Iwo nikan lalaye mi o, your love for me agape ni o.
.
BRIDGE:(Yovi)
As I dey do tananana.. do tananana.. do tananana..
Some dey sleep falalala, some dey sleep falalala
As I dey do tananana.. do tananana.. do tananana..
Dem dey sleep falalala, some dey sleep falalala.
.
CHORUS:(Yovi)
Blessings follow you.. Amen!! Blessings follow me too. Amen!!
As I dey pray for you.. Amen!! Make you pray for me too yeh.. Amen!!
You go build your house, you go build for daddy.
And you go build for mummy, everybody happy eh..
As you start your hustle, and you go end am well.
Oya double promotion, you go get alert eh.
Everything go turn around, everybody bounce around.
He go bless your hustle, surely e go bless my hustle eh..
.
VERSE 2: (Mayorkun)
Lati kekere, titi domo owo.
Baba lo n so mi based on one or two kpolokpolos. Swa
All the things wey I get oh.. no be things I deserve oh..
But baba God ti cover mi oh.
Shebi Me compete with Houseine Bolt
When I run out of money
Mayor lomo na...wonder why dey call me omo mummy O
Ara si je won, I blend with people with pepper gan
Ma she gbo te legan se, blessings follow you
.
CHORUS: (Yovi)
Blessings follow you.. Amen!! Blessings follow me too. Amen!!
As I dey pray for you.. Amen!! Make you pray for me too yeh.. Amen!!
You go build your house, you go build for daddy.
And you go build for mummy, everybody happy eh..
As you start your hustle, and you go end am well.
Oya double promotion, you go get alert eh.
You go get admission, you go pass your papers
Everything go turn around, everybody bounce around.
He go bless your hustle, surely e go bless my hustle eh..
.
BRIDGE:(Yovi)
As I dey do tananana.. do tananana.. do tananana..
Some dey sleep falalala, some dey sleep falalala
As I dey sing tananana.. sing tananana.. sing tananana..
Dem dey dance falalala, some dey sleep falalala.
.
CHORUS:(Yovi)
Blessings follow you.. Amen!! Blessings follow me too. Amen!!
As I dey pray for you.. Amen!! Make you pray for me too yeh.. Amen!!
Cover you, cover me too
sure for you, sure for me too
.

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UNIQUELY LOADED RIDDLES - Funny Riddles (13)

1. Where does Santa send the elves‘ wages?
  

2. What keeps falling at winter but never gets hurt?
3. Why did the balloon go near the needle?
  
4. Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?
5. What’s the biggest pan in the world?
  
6. What do snowmen do in their spare time?
7. Which bees produce milk?
  
8. Why is the math book so sad?
9. What would you call a fish with a missing eye?
  
10. What did the fish say when it hit its head on a wall?
11. Why is life in North Korea so hard?
  
12. What is the computer’s favorite food?
13. Why is a skeleton a bad liar?
  
14. What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?
15. Where should a dog go when it’s lost its tail?
  
16. What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper?
17. What do you call the wife of a hippie?
  
18. What should a proper lawyer wear to a court?
19. What do you get if you crossbreed a cute Easter rabbit with an insect?
  
20. Why did the calf cross the road?

You can add your own riddle below, in the comment box

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Very short funny jokes - Best puns; laughing tonic (21)

EGGISTU: Would you mind if I took a picture of you naked?
PEPISCO: Sure, why not – if it isn’t too cold for you here.


Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.

I saw an offer in a shop. “TV for $4.50 – the volume is stuck on maximum". It was an offer I simply couldn’t turn down.

I cannot stand insect puns; They bug the heck out of me.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!

Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back. I think it would be truly alarming.

Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

Aim for the stars! But first take care of the bodyguards.

Have you heard about the Italian cook with an incurable disease? He pastaway.

One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.

If goods get damaged in transport, does it become ‘bads’?

They found a little hole in the wall of the women's soccer team changing rooms. Policemen are looking into it now.

I’ve no home, I haven’t got control, I can’t see any escape. Way past the time I got a new keyboard.

I forgot to turn off the oven yesterday, but it's OK - I just got some Darth Vader cookies. A bit on the dark side.

Losing a wife can be truly hard. Sometimes almost impossible.

Can February March? No, but April May.

When does a car stop being a car? The second it turns into a driveway.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.

I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.

Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory? Hundreds of soles were lost!

Why are there so few schools in the jungles of eastern Africa?
 .
Because there are too many cheetahs.

Why are Apple staff absolutely forbidden to fart in Apple stores?
.
Because there are no windows.

Why does your dog run into the corner each time the bell rings?
.
He’s a Boxer.

I just stepped on some Cheerios on the floor. You can call me a cereal killer now!

Three guys walk into a bar. Why? Because they’re blind.

Once you contract an infection of the bladder, urine trouble.

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Very short funny jokes - Best puns (20)

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.


Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg?
.
Hop in.

Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.

A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
.
His condition is now stable.

PEPISCO: Why is there music coming out of your printer?
EGGISTU: That will be the paper jamming again!

I’m getting really claustrophobic in elevators. I’ve had to start taking steps to avoid it.

I dig, he digs, she digs, you dig, we dig…the poem may not be beautiful, but it's certainly very deep.

PEPISCO: Why do mathematicians tend to marry larger women?
EGGISTU: Because they like curves.

"Your shit is my daily bread." ~ Michael, 36, Sewage worker

"Wherever I go, I’m greeted with much warmth." ~ Derek, 53, Fireman

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.

Two wi-fi antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.

It’s not nice making fun of fat people; They’ve got enough on their plates as it is.

Why don’t teddy bears ever really eat at their picnics?
.
Because they’re already stuffed.

Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I.

Notice on a shoe repair shop:
 .
I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

I was trying to catch some fog earlier but I mist.

Toilet paper plays an important role in my life.

Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?
.
There are too many bugs.

I’d love to know how the Earth rotates. It would totally make my day.

He had his left leg and arm amputated after a car crash; He's all right now.

I wanted to tell you a joke about leeches. But I won’t – they all suck.

Is it really wise to invest with somebody called a "broker"?

Do you know how Moses makes his tea? Hebrews it!


A bacon sandwich walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.  “Sorry,” growls the bartender, “we don’t serve food here.”

How to achieve a beach body?
.
1. Have a body
2. Arrive at the beach.

Does your wife scream when she is coming?
-
No, my wife has a key to the door.

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - christmas jokes; laughing tonic (17)

One turkey asks another, "Do you believe in life after Christmas?"


I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December. But it was just the Season’s greetings.

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes in Christmas wrapping paper. When your child misbehaves, toss one into the fire.

Little girl wrote to Santa, asking him to give her a baby sister for Christmas. Santa replied promptly, asking her to send her mother.

EGGISTU: How do we know Santa is a man?
PEPISCO: No woman with an ounce of dignity would wear the same outfit for so many years running.

Walking down the street I wonder if at Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus, or of General Electric.

I heard elves love to sing when they work on children’s toys. They are very good wrappers.

A boy is running around his yard in early December, chanting, “I SO WISH I GOT A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS!” An elderly man watches him go on for a while, then comes over and says,
 .
UNCLE KAPU: Son, what is this about? Santa ain’t deaf, you know.
EGGISTU: (out of breath, smiles) He probably isn’t, but my aunt, Tatafo is.

Christmases are always quite hard on the turkeys, but at least they don’t go hungry. In fact, they are stuffed since morning!

EGGISTU: Mum, are we going to have Grandpa Joe for Christmas?
EGGISTU: No, darling, Just the turkey.

Christmas is on my mind the whole 12 months before it comes. It is also on my Visa bill the whole 12 months afterwards.

EGGISTU: Dad, and where is Santa from?
MR PUPA: Well, judging by the majority of the gifts, I’d say he is from China.

Eggistu is by the Christmas tree
.
EGGISTU: And are all these gifts from Santa?
MUM: Yes, Ofcourse!
EGGISTU: Oh, so you didn’t get me a darn thing again this year, did you.”

MR PUPA: Boss, can I take tomorrow off? My wife really needs help with Christmas cleaning.
BOSS: Are you out of your head, man? I can’t give you a day off for this!
MR PUPA: (smiles, relieved) Oh thanks a lot, boss, I knew I could rely on you!

 Santa has a good employment package. 1 month – Santa Claus, 11 months – Santa pause.

CHRISTMAS WEEK
Anybody who's still in the village after this week is no longer celebrating Christmas 🌲 He/she needs transport money💰. 🚶🚶🚶
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UNIQUELY LOADED RIDDLES - Funny Riddles (12)

1. Why did the bee have sticky hair?
  


2. What bird is the strongest lifter?
3. Which flower is the most talkative?
  
4. What did daddy chimney say to baby chimney?
5. How to measure a snake?
  
6. Why did the policeman always carry a pair of scissors?
7. Why is it that bicycles fall over so often?
  
8. What do you call a bull that likes taking a nap?
9. Why do bees hum?
  
10. What happens to mountains when they touch each other?
11. How many animals did Moses bring on his Ark?
  
12. Why are ghost such bad liars?
13. What would you call a person who had no body and no nose?
  
14. Where do fish sleep?
15. What did one plate say to his friend for dinner?
  
16. How do you make a hot dog stand?
17. Which US state has rounded ends and is high in the middle?
  
18. How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking?
19. What do you call sending letters to Santa up the chimney
  
20. Why should you never mess with Santa?

You can add your own riddle below, in the comment box

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - funny jokes; laughing tonic (16)

COUNSELLOR: When did you get to know your wife?
MR PUPA: (Sadly), about a week after the wedding.


MR PUPA is leaving the house with the dog.
.
MRS PUPA: Are you taking the donkey for a walk?
MR PUPA: You mean the dog, right?
MRS PUPA: Shush, I am talking to the dog!

MOSKITO: Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me on my last birthday. I've never got such a brilliant gift!
GRANDPA: (surprised) Really?
MOSKITO: Oh yeah - every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would stop!

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

Life hack: Hold your wife’s hand in the shopping mall. If you don’t, she might start shopping. For her it is romantic; for you it is economical

MR PUPA: I felt incomplete until I married you.
MRS PUPA: (blushing) Awwwwwn!!
MR PUPA: Now I’m finished.

Men perfectly understand other people. Provided those other people are men.

Pupa takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. Wife turns to her husband, Pupa
.
MRS PUPA: (sighs) You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no.
MR PUPA: Yep, it looks like he’s still celebrating!

Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open. Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”
.
15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.

My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems.
 .
Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!

FORTUNE TELLER: So, you came to know your husband’s future?
MRS PUPA: No way, tell me about his past, then I’ll decide about his future!!

MR PUPA: If I died, would you marry again?
MRS PUPA: Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
MR PUPA: No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.

If it's true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers, it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.

”If you and I were on a sinking ship, and there was but one life vest... I cannot express how much I would miss you.

JUDGE: Why on Earth did you hit your husband with a chair?
MRS PUPA: Because the table was too heavy.

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (15)

MRS. PUPA: Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?
MR. PUPA: I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.
MRS. PUPA: And that helps?
MR. PUPA: Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.


At a wedding
.
EGGISTU: Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?
MUM: The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.
EGGISTU: (nods) OK, and why is the boy all in black?"

MRS PUPA: I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!
MR PUPA: But honey, what about our child?
MRS PUPA: What child?
MR PUPA: Oh, so you’re not pregnant?

MRS PUPA: Honey, do you think I gained weight?
MR. PUPA: No, I think the living room got smaller.
.
MR PUPA: So do you think I'm fat?
MRS PUPA: You're not fat darling, it’s just that you’re… very easy to see.

What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.

EGGISTU: Dad, how much does it cost to get married?
MR PUPA: I wouldn’t know son, I'm still not done paying for it.

KAPU: Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today, isn’t it your
 mother-in-law’s funeral today?
PUPA: Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”

KAPU: Your dog bit my mother in law!
PUPA: I'm so sorry. You’ll probably be wanting financial recompense, won’t you?
KAPU: (smiles) Absolutely not! I’d love to buy the dog.

When a woman says something like “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Stand still as a statue. No blinking. Play dead.

EGGISTU: I heard people say you can’t live without love.
PEPISCO: Isn't that correct?
EGGISTU: Anyway, I still think oxygen ranks higher.

Mrs Pupa hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
 .
MR PUPA: (surprised,) Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours at least!
MRS PUPA: Yeah, well, it was a wrong number.

MRS PUPA: I don’t know what he’s complaining about. I made him a millionaire!
AUNTY PEPPER: And what was he before?
MRS PUPA: A billionaire.

My wife told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

A scientific study discovered that women with extra weight usually live longer than men who point it out.

I married Miss Right. What I didn’t know then was that her first name was "Always."

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (14)

The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good, nor old.


EGGISTU: My boss can’t fire me!
PUPPADON: How come?
EGGISTU:  Slaves can only be sold!!

PEPISCO: Did you know Photons have mass too?
EGGISTU: What? Photons have mass? I had no idea they were Catholic!

Romantic relationships can actually be represented in algebra. You for example, have definitely at some point looked at your X and asked yourself Y.

TEACHER: Who can define what ATMs are?
EGGISTU: Time is money. Therefore, A.T.Ms Are Time Machines.

TEACHER: Who can differentiate between a tax and a fine?
EGGISU: A fine is a tax when you’ve been doing something wrong. A tax is a fine you get when you’ve been doing something right.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don’t. Those who don't know binary will never understand this.

Any mushroom can be eaten. The trick is to find those mushrooms that can be eaten more than once.

I heard a midget got pickpocketed on our street the other day. I don’t understand how anybody can stoop so low.

So what happens when somebody scares you half to death – and then again?

“My career is in ruins.” – Herbert Dillgrin, archaeologist


The stationary shop moved. It really surprised me.

Office meeting. A gathering that wastes hours, yet keeps minutes.

My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (13)

TEACHER: What is sticky and brown?
EGGISTU: A stick!


TEACHER: What swims and starts with a T?
EGGISTU: Two ducks.

PEPISCO: I'm I fat
EGGISTU: I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more visible.

A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall?!”

PEPISCO: So where's my birthday gift?
EGGISTU: Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.

MUM: Please call the hospital and lets be sure your sister, DELAYIN is getting better
EGGISTU: I already called the hospital but the line was dead.

Two blind men meet. One says to the other: “Hey dude, long time no see!”


When everything’s coming your way – perhaps you’re in the wrong direction on the highway

I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay. They promptly arrested me.

EGGISTU: Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
PEPISCO: No

A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”
.
Mother frowns, “Oh, and so you came to me, huh?”

EGGISTU: Why do you look so sad?
KAPUDON: I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.

Do not use the toilet in a dream. It’s a trap!

EGGISTU: You really are the most jealous girl I know.
PEPISCO: Oh, so you know lots of other girls, don't you?

My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently.

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (12)

PEPISCO: How does a monkey ring the doorbell?
EGGISTU: King Kong! King Kong!


DAD: All I hear is want, want, want. I need to hear some more about giving, too!
EGGISTU: OK, give me 20 dollars.

EGGISTU: Mum, where where you when I was born?
MUM: In the hospital.
EGGISTU: And daddy?
MUM: At work.
EGGISTU: That’s great. So nobody was home when I arrived.

EGGISTU: Why do you have such a big tummy, aunty?
AUNT: Because there’s a baby inside.
EGGISTU: Do you like babies?”
AUNT: Very much!”
EGGISTU: Well I still think it isn’t right to eat them.

TEACHER: Name me three African animals.
 PEPISCO: One lion and two giraffes.

EGGISTU: When I’m a grown-up, I’m going to marry Grandma!
DAD: (smiles), Come on, you can’t marry my mom.
EGGISTU: And why not? You married mine!

A little boy stands in front of a house and cries. A guy sees him and asks, “Why all the crying, little guy?”
“I can’t reach the doorbell.”
The man rings the bell for him and smiles at the boy. The boy smiles back at him and says, “Great, and now we just have to run away very quickly!”


EGGISTU: Mom, I have a good and a bad news.
MUM: OK, start with the good one.
EGGISTU: I scored an A in the math test.
MUM: That’s awesome Lisa! And what’s the bad news?
EGGISTU: “That this was only a joke.

DAD: Have you ever seen a little calf being born?” asks a farmer Little Johnny.
EGGISTU: No, how is it?
DAD: Well, first comes the front legs, then the head, then the shoulders and the body and finally the hind legs.
EGGISTU: Wow, cool, and how do you put it all together then?

PEPISCO: Your brother is so small!
EGGISTU: Yeah, he’s only my half-brother.”

Three bunnies want to jump a wall. First one jumps and clears the wall with a good 4 inch reserve. The second bunny jumps and makes it over the wall with a 5 inch reserve. The third bunny jumps and slams headfirst into the wall. When he wakes up, he says, “I must have jumped the highest. I definitely saw some stars.”

The combination of innumerable choices you’ve made in your life have brought you to this exact point, reading this exact sentence.

I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems. The first thing the bastard did was made me pay in advance.

EGGISTU: Does your horse smoke?
COWBOY: No.
EGGISTU: Well, then I think your stable is burning.

EGGISTU: I don’t think women should be allowed to have kids after 40.
PEPISCO: But why?
EGGISTU: 40 kids is way too much by any standard.

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UNIQUELY LOADED RIDDLES - Funny Riddles (11)

1. How does a clown taste when eaten by a crocodile?
  


2. How do you know the ocean greets you?
3. Why don‘t cannibals eat divorced women?
  
4. Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
5. Why do people never eat clocks?
  
6. What kind of dog eats with his ears?
7. What will be the reply if you ask a dog how’s life?
  
8. Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read?
9. Why is it a bad idea to play poker with a jungle cat?
  
10. What is the one place your pet can sit on, but you can’t?
11. If TVs run on electricity and trucks run on gas, what do cats run on?
  
12. What do you name a bear without an ear?
13. Why is it a bad idea to insult an octopus?
  
14. Two walls arrange a date; where do they meet?
15. How do you call a boat without a rope?
  
16. Why is the book on glue fascinating?
17. How many pears grow on a tree?
  
18. What would you call the child of a vampire and a snowman?
19. Why did the bee marry?
  
20. What happens when a cop gets into bed?

You can add your own riddle below, in the comment box

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (11)

PUPPADON: I have a very secure job.
EGGISTU: How come?
PUPPADON: There’s nobody else who would want it.


PEPISCO: How do I look?
EGGISTU: “With your eyes,of course!

EGGISTU: Dad, I’m hungry!
DAD: Oh hello Hungry, I’m Dad!
EGGISTU: But I’m really hungry!
DAD: And I’m really Dad.”

EGGISTU: Yo Dad, what’s up?
DAD: The ceiling.

DOCTOR: How do you feel?
EGGISTU: With my hands.

I told my dad that he should embrace his mistakes. He had tears in his eyes. Then he hugged my sister and me.

PEPISCO: Could you call me a taxi, please?
EGGISTU: As you wish, dear taxi.


EGGISTU: Can you put my shoes on, dad?
DAD: Actually, I think they’re a bit too small for me.”


DAD: Have you heard there was a kidnapping at the school?
EGGISTU: What? No!
DAD: But it’s fine now, the kid woke up again.

MUM: Can you put the cat out, please?
EGGISTU: Why, is it on fire?


PEPISCO: Do you know how to make somebody curious?
PUPPADON: No
PEPISCO: I'll tell you tomorrow!

PUPPADON: I was a doctor for a while but then I quit.
PEPISCO: Why?
PUPPADON: I simply didn’t have enough patience

TEACHER: Name five different animals.
EGGISTU: The dog, the dog’s brother, the dog’s sister, the dog’s cousin and the dog’s aunt.

It is evening. Eggistu and his friend are sitting by a camp fire.
They’ve been plagued by swarms of mosquitoes already for an hour and the assault only worsens when the darkness sets in.
Suddenly, fireflies appear and Eggistu swears: “These darn mosquitoes! Now they’ve even brought lanterns with them to find us!“

TEACHER: What is black – white – black – white – black – white?
EGGISTU: A penguin rolling down a mountain!

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (10)

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.


Eggistu breaks an old vase at his rich uncle‘s house. His uncle gets extremely angry and yells:
.
UNCLE:  Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!
EGGISTU: (sags in relief) Oh, good that it wasn’t new.

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

A man goes to the lawyer:
.
MAN: What is your fee?
LAWYER: 1000 US dollars for 3 questions.
MAN: Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?
LAWYER: Yes, what is your third question?

TEACHER: Where were you born, Sir?
EGGISTU: In the United States.
TEACHER: OK, and which part?
EGGISTU: My entire body.

BUS DRIVER to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?
PASSENGER: No, I am in a hurry.

MUM: Why did you put your teddy in the freezer?
EGGISTU: I would like to have a polar bear.

MAN: Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s big?
WIFE: No.
MAN: A garbage man. And you know why?
WIFE: No, why?
MAN: Because he thinks they only work on Tuesdays.

TEACHER: OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?
EGGISTU: HIJKLMNO.
TEACHER: What on earth are you on about?
EGGISTU: Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!

Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Eggistu fall asleep.
Half an hour later mummy opens the door quietly and asks: “And, is he asleep?”
.
Eggistu answers: “Yes, finally.”

PEPISCO: Is this insecticide good for mosquitos?
EGGISTU: Not at all, it kills them!

EGGISTU: I’ll call you later!
PEPISCO: Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Pepisco

PEPISCO: Are you alright?
EGGISTU: Actually, technically, I’m half left and half right.”

DAD: What is it?
EGGISTU: “It” is a pronoun.

EGGISTU: Would you like to hear a construction joke?
PEPISCO: Yes
EGGISTU: Well I’m still working on it.

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (09)

ATEPO: When is your birthday?
EGGISTU: February 25th
ATEPO: And what year?
EGGISTU: Every year


Wife on phone call with her husband
.
WIFE: Darling, the car is broken, it won’t start.
HUSBAND: What? What's wrong with it?
WIFE: It’s water in the carburetor, love.
HUSBAND: Oh no, where are you right now?
WIFE: Um, in the little lake behind the house

I’ve read so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently that I made a new, firm New Year’s resolution: NO MORE READING!

PEPISCO: You stole my Microsoft Office and for that you’re going to pay.
EGGISTU: You have my Word!

When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day. Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home.

EGGISTU: I wish I could go to the Maldives again.
PEPISCO: Wow, you’ve been to the Maldives?
EGGISTU: No, but I wished it before.”

You sneak into my room, unnoticed; you gently touch one bit of my naked body after the other until you find the most desirable place, then you start sucking. Stupid mosquitoes!

Today, I found a mosquito, I sat right next to it and kept on buzzing so he would see what it’s like, not being able to sleep!

PEPISCO: What can I eat in the evening in front of the TV that wouldn’t make me fat?
EGGISTU: Your fingernails.

My step mother came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, “Now off with the skirt.” I did, and she continued, “Now take off my stockings.” And when I did that, she said, “Now the bra and the panties.” I took them off. She continued, “And don’t ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!”

PEPISCO: Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?
EGGISTU: No, how?
PEPISCO: I’ll tell you tomorrow.

EGGISTU: Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?
STRANGER: No, not a soul, actually.”
EGGISTU: Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!”

PEPISCO: Why don’t rednecks get sick so often?
EGGISTU: Germs have their pride too.

TEACHER: Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
EGGISTU: They can’t stand fast food.

TEACHER: How many gorillas do you think can fit into a car?
EGGISTU: Eight.
TEACHER: How many chickens can fit into the car?
EGGISTU: None, the car is already full of gorillas.

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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (08)

TEACHER: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
EGGISTU: Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.


DOCTOR: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
PATIENT: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
DOCTOR: "Nine."

TEACHER: What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
EGGISTU: Snowballs.

PATIENT: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
-DOCTOR: Don't worry. Mine too.

A police officer stops Eggistu's car.
 .
OFFICER: “Your driver’s license please.”
 EGGISTU: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
 OFFICER: “At home?”
 EGGISTU: “No, to do it.”

EGGISTU: I’m selling my talking parrot.
PUPPADON: Why?
EGGISTU: Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

Eggistu's mum notices how upset he is after waking that morning
 .
MOTHER: What's the problem
EGGISTU: I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant loaf of bread. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

TEACHER: Tell me something very dangerous
EGGISTU: Sneezing while having diarrhea!

SECRETARY: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
DOCTOR: “Tell him I can"t see him.”

TEACHER: Who can describe what a wife is?
EGGISTU: A wife is like a grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

Knock, knock.
 .
PEPISCO: Who’s there?
EGGISTU: The love of your life.
PEPISCO: Liar! Chocolate can’t speak!

EGGISTU: I’m certain there are female hormones in beer.
PEPISCO: Why do you think so?
EGGISTU: When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.

At a party
.
EGGISTU: Hi, do you want to dance?
LADY: Yeah, sure!
EGGISTU: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your pretty friend!

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

PEPISCO: Is Google a he or a she?
EGGISTU: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

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SHORT BIRTHDAY TEXT MESSAGES FOR PEOPLE THAT ARE SPECIAL TO YOU - (02)

God has been too good to you pass to they think gulder
Jehovah na your popsi, so celebration must pass pepsi
Some doors that were bottled up have been opened up like seven-up
Happy birthday to this jubilating super star


It's your day; a happy day; the God of glory writes your story
I pray He writes your name, framed on heaven's wall of fame
Drench you in the pool of wealth; pull you into divine wealth
Happy birthday to a gem; may God make you super fly


With the help of God's Arsenal, you will not be a goner
Ball your goals on your dream pitch, dribbling past every gunner
Happy birthday to a special citizen of man's city
Red devils hate man united but can't stop your union with breakthrough


To the celebrant that makes heaven jubilate
Happy birthday; great wealth and health is your fate
May the God before you make crooked places straight
Operate in victory; never cease to celebrate


The God of glory is in charge of your story
He will drive away your worry like a lorry
And kick Satan' furry away from you in a hurry
What a very blessed day to say happy birthday dearie


Happy birthday to a dearie destined by God to be the head,
May you be drenched in the pool of health which sickness dreads,
Live a long life of exploits like you got more than Samson's dreds,
Wish you sweeter life with daily bread and cooler wealth ahead.


Wish you the sounds of laughter and hapiness of smiles/
Suspense of surprises and feelings of love/
Cheer of health and the wonder of wealth/
With a heart from love's grid, happy birthday indeed/


Happy birthday to you; live on drenched in the pool of health/
Occupy space like matter in the weighty sphere of wealth/
Soar like an eagle over pride and tides of strife/
Rule like a lion in this vast jungle of life/


Today be Earth's day to celebrate your birthday/
So the Earth is alert to the fact that you glow/
Even the air tells of God's Love not to an empty end/
Breathing free airtime per seconds to long life and prosperity/


More colourful than the rainbow will be your daily reign/
God's rain on your grain will bring you gains of wealth/
The arrows of sorrow won't conquer your marraw's stealth/
Happy birthday to you with cakes of mansions of health/


May Christ our Living well always keep you living well/
Fill your purse without a pause till it so outpours/
Not make you kick the bucket but eat the fruits of your pocket/
Happy birthday as I wish you a life of health stuck with wealth/


May the beauty of nature nuture your life with health/
May the duty of labour favour your life with wealth/
May long life and safety secure your path in stealth/
Happy birthday to you and may your wishes come true/


As God's Spirit follows you, may blessed showers fall on you/
Drench you in pools of good health and bless you with great pull of wealth/
Life may seem sour with germs, yet, you'd soar higher like a gem/
Happy birthday that'll enrich; God bring your wishes to your reach/


A hell of jubilation going on in heaven,
As celebration got a date with jubilation,
Because a gem was born to make the house fly,
Better days await you as I say happy birthday.


Two tips on ur birthday:
4get the PAST; u can't change it
4get the PRESENT; I didn't get u one
Hope I succeeded in making u smile
Long life& prosperity


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THE BOND IN THE POND - Unlike disunity’s poor pose, this unity’s for purpose

Fear brings us goose pimples; love makes us good people,
The pond is full of cold but unity is the code
The error of terror may cut through like a knife
Yet, we survive like a stump in the stronghold of love
.
 .
Some call us birds; love is our bed
Some call us swans; we all live as one
Unlike disunity’s poor pose, this unity’s for purpose
The pond of life stirs strife yet we all waddle through
.
I got my true colour, all the same ain’t a fake art
Not different from my kind, all the same I’m unique
Not just part of the real team; our rhythm’s the real theme
White or black; different tribes, but all got the same vibes
.
Swimming through life like I got divine fins
A direct shun of hatred for the direction to love
The cease of hatred’s rain as the seas of love reign
I’d rather glow in love’s grid than flow with the greed
.
Maybe I’m law gauged not to turn a useless luggage
But the arrows of hatred only needs a rose of love
This unity without the disunity within
Hate will only kill us; only love can heal us
.
Rather than give up to suffering, we just keep on surfing
Life’s faeces to our faces but together we stand
The Physics of Life’s in phases; divided we fall
Life’s pond is the inference to make bonds with a difference.
.
Photo Credits: Hifsa Ashraf
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