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VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (08)

TEACHER: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
EGGISTU: Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

DOCTOR: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
PATIENT: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
DOCTOR: "Nine."

TEACHER: What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
EGGISTU: Snowballs.

PATIENT: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
-DOCTOR: Don't worry. Mine too.

A police officer stops Eggistu's car.
OFFICER: “Your driver’s license please.”
 EGGISTU: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
 OFFICER: “At home?”
 EGGISTU: “No, to do it.”

EGGISTU: I’m selling my talking parrot.
EGGISTU: Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

Eggistu's mum notices how upset he is after waking that morning
MOTHER: What's the problem
EGGISTU: I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant loaf of bread. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

TEACHER: Tell me something very dangerous
EGGISTU: Sneezing while having diarrhea!

SECRETARY: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
DOCTOR: “Tell him I can"t see him.”

TEACHER: Who can describe what a wife is?
EGGISTU: A wife is like a grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

Knock, knock.
PEPISCO: Who’s there?
EGGISTU: The love of your life.
PEPISCO: Liar! Chocolate can’t speak!

EGGISTU: I’m certain there are female hormones in beer.
PEPISCO: Why do you think so?
EGGISTU: When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.

At a party
EGGISTU: Hi, do you want to dance?
LADY: Yeah, sure!
EGGISTU: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your pretty friend!

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

PEPISCO: Is Google a he or a she?
EGGISTU: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

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God has been too good to you pass to they think gulder
Jehovah na your popsi, so celebration must pass pepsi
Some doors that were bottled up have been opened up like seven-up
Happy birthday to this jubilating super star

It's your day; a happy day; the God of glory writes your story
I pray He writes your name, framed on heaven's wall of fame
Drench you in the pool of wealth; pull you into divine wealth
Happy birthday to a gem; may God make you super fly

With the help of God's Arsenal, you will not be a goner
Ball your goals on your dream pitch, dribbling past every gunner
Happy birthday to a special citizen of man's city
Red devils hate man united but can't stop your union with breakthrough

To the celebrant that makes heaven jubilate
Happy birthday; great wealth and health is your fate
May the God before you make crooked places straight
Operate in victory; never cease to celebrate

The God of glory is in charge of your story
He will drive away your worry like a lorry
And kick Satan' furry away from you in a hurry
What a very blessed day to say happy birthday dearie

Happy birthday to a dearie destined by God to be the head,
May you be drenched in the pool of health which sickness dreads,
Live a long life of exploits like you got more than Samson's dreds,
Wish you sweeter life with daily bread and cooler wealth ahead.

Wish you the sounds of laughter and hapiness of smiles/
Suspense of surprises and feelings of love/
Cheer of health and the wonder of wealth/
With a heart from love's grid, happy birthday indeed/

Happy birthday to you; live on drenched in the pool of health/
Occupy space like matter in the weighty sphere of wealth/
Soar like an eagle over pride and tides of strife/
Rule like a lion in this vast jungle of life/

Today be Earth's day to celebrate your birthday/
So the Earth is alert to the fact that you glow/
Even the air tells of God's Love not to an empty end/
Breathing free airtime per seconds to long life and prosperity/

More colourful than the rainbow will be your daily reign/
God's rain on your grain will bring you gains of wealth/
The arrows of sorrow won't conquer your marraw's stealth/
Happy birthday to you with cakes of mansions of health/

May Christ our Living well always keep you living well/
Fill your purse without a pause till it so outpours/
Not make you kick the bucket but eat the fruits of your pocket/
Happy birthday as I wish you a life of health stuck with wealth/

May the beauty of nature nuture your life with health/
May the duty of labour favour your life with wealth/
May long life and safety secure your path in stealth/
Happy birthday to you and may your wishes come true/

As God's Spirit follows you, may blessed showers fall on you/
Drench you in pools of good health and bless you with great pull of wealth/
Life may seem sour with germs, yet, you'd soar higher like a gem/
Happy birthday that'll enrich; God bring your wishes to your reach/

A hell of jubilation going on in heaven,
As celebration got a date with jubilation,
Because a gem was born to make the house fly,
Better days await you as I say happy birthday.

Two tips on ur birthday:
4get the PAST; u can't change it
4get the PRESENT; I didn't get u one
Hope I succeeded in making u smile
Long life& prosperity

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THE BOND IN THE POND - Unlike disunity’s poor pose, this unity’s for purpose

Fear brings us goose pimples; love makes us good people,
The pond is full of cold but unity is the code
The error of terror may cut through like a knife
Yet, we survive like a stump in the stronghold of love
Some call us birds; love is our bed
Some call us swans; we all live as one
Unlike disunity’s poor pose, this unity’s for purpose
The pond of life stirs strife yet we all waddle through
I got my true colour, all the same ain’t a fake art
Not different from my kind, all the same I’m unique
Not just part of the real team; our rhythm’s the real theme
White or black; different tribes, but all got the same vibes
Swimming through life like I got divine fins
A direct shun of hatred for the direction to love
The cease of hatred’s rain as the seas of love reign
I’d rather glow in love’s grid than flow with the greed
Maybe I’m law gauged not to turn a useless luggage
But the arrows of hatred only needs a rose of love
This unity without the disunity within
Hate will only kill us; only love can heal us
Rather than give up to suffering, we just keep on surfing
Life’s faeces to our faces but together we stand
The Physics of Life’s in phases; divided we fall
Life’s pond is the inference to make bonds with a difference.
Photo Credits: Hifsa Ashraf
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REKINDLED FLAMES - Love almost drowned in red sea but must outlive this Dead Sea

Love’s chemistry is more unique
Than Eros turned on by physique;
The sets of surds may be classic,
But have all got solutions
It’s not about the remorse
But the love driving the bus;
When true love is the boss,
Open truth is a must
Love almost drowned in red sea,
But must outlive this Dead Sea;
When love becomes the Jersey,
No charlatan plays games
Though the wrath of titan clashes,
True love never crashes;
I set fire to the ashes
Of your reclaimed state of being.
photo credits: POETS the Original
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I trace back not to set backs but youthful trays of delight,
X-rays of the past from the present sprays of the light,
We're in a constant move to face life's next phase,
We don't base at the base; our place is the palace

An alphabetical gaze at the future that we chase,
Life is in progression; after jays come the kays,
Kingly mace comes after the haze; we won't be dazed for all our days,
We graze the maize of wisdom in the maze of growth

Ace memories of the past that stays to flower the present,
A case still featured in the vase which the future presents,
We brace the present to embrace the featured future;
Experiential rays of wisdom raise us over what our eyes glazed over

Mama prays and says I won't be caught up in the craze
Of those not on life's swing, seen on the wings of hang over;
It can't be game over when I race with life's Range Rover,
I chase my dreams unseen but my running shoe is seen on scene

Mama says chase your dreams, so I sleep with my running shoes clean,
High-spirited mode or Ghost mode; my running shoes are seen;
I don't daydream but I dream while awake
Swung high into the sky, you will soon see me with the rainbow.

Photo Credits: Mai
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FIGURE OUT PUZZLES - matchstick puzzles (04)

The above equation is not true. Move only 1 matchstick to make it true.

The equation 7/9 = 3 is not true. Move 3 matchsticks to make it true.

Move only 1 matchstick to create 4.

Solution 1 is the better solution.

The above equation is not true. Move only 3 matchsticks to make it true.

The above statement is true. Move 2 matchsticks so that it is still true.

In each row the letter to the left of the arrow converts to the structure to the right. What should the structure of the "?" look like in the last row?

The matchsticks on the lower half of each letter are flipped vertically.

5 plus 5 is not equal to 9, but move 4 matchsticks to make the equation true.

10 plus 10 is not equal to 5, but move only 3 sticks to make the equation true. Your answer must still be in Roman numerals.

There are 4 cubes in the figure above. Confirm that you agree.
Move only 1 matchstick to reduce the number of cubes to 3.

A school of fish swim in an Easterly direction. By moving only 3 matchsticks they must swim in a Westerly direction. (The matchstick heads must be ignored in this puzzle)

Rearrange the six matchsticks to make NOTHING.

The equation above is not true. You may not take away a matchstick, but simply MOVE 1 matchstick to make it true.

There are 5 squares in the figure above. Move only 2 matchsticks so that there are:
(1) no squares left AND
(2) 4 areas equal in size and shape.

In each row the structure to the left of the arrow converts to the structure to the right. What should the structure of the "?" look like in the last row?

Nobody said these are numbers! Look closely at the matchstick heads. The structures to the right of the arrows are all flipped vertically.

The equation is not true, but by moving only 1 matchstick (from the "+" sign) you get 7-1=6 which makes the equation true.
This is easy, but can you MOVE 1 and REMOVE 1 to come up with a different answer?

The equation above is not true, but REMOVE 2 matchsticks to make it true.

Remove 5 matchsticks from the figure above to make it 2.

There are 5 squares in the figure above. Move only 2 matchsticks to create 4 squares. All the squares don't have to be equal in size.

There are also other solutions.

The time on a digital watch is 30 minutes past 4. Move only 2 matchsticks to show this time.

Move 2 matchsticks to make the equation true.

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