VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - funny jokes; laughing tonic (16)

COUNSELLOR: When did you get to know your wife?
MR PUPA: (Sadly), about a week after the wedding.

MR PUPA is leaving the house with the dog.
MRS PUPA: Are you taking the donkey for a walk?
MR PUPA: You mean the dog, right?
MRS PUPA: Shush, I am talking to the dog!

MOSKITO: Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me on my last birthday. I've never got such a brilliant gift!
GRANDPA: (surprised) Really?
MOSKITO: Oh yeah - every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would stop!

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

Life hack: Hold your wife’s hand in the shopping mall. If you don’t, she might start shopping. For her it is romantic; for you it is economical

MR PUPA: I felt incomplete until I married you.
MRS PUPA: (blushing) Awwwwwn!!
MR PUPA: Now I’m finished.

Men perfectly understand other people. Provided those other people are men.

Pupa takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. Wife turns to her husband, Pupa
MRS PUPA: (sighs) You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no.
MR PUPA: Yep, it looks like he’s still celebrating!

Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open. Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”
15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.

My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems.
Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!

FORTUNE TELLER: So, you came to know your husband’s future?
MRS PUPA: No way, tell me about his past, then I’ll decide about his future!!

MR PUPA: If I died, would you marry again?
MRS PUPA: Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
MR PUPA: No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.

If it's true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers, it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.

”If you and I were on a sinking ship, and there was but one life vest... I cannot express how much I would miss you.

JUDGE: Why on Earth did you hit your husband with a chair?
MRS PUPA: Because the table was too heavy.

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