VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (09)

ATEPO: When is your birthday?
EGGISTU: February 25th
ATEPO: And what year?
EGGISTU: Every year

Wife on phone call with her husband
WIFE: Darling, the car is broken, it won’t start.
HUSBAND: What? What's wrong with it?
WIFE: It’s water in the carburetor, love.
HUSBAND: Oh no, where are you right now?
WIFE: Um, in the little lake behind the house

I’ve read so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently that I made a new, firm New Year’s resolution: NO MORE READING!

PEPISCO: You stole my Microsoft Office and for that you’re going to pay.
EGGISTU: You have my Word!

When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day. Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home.

EGGISTU: I wish I could go to the Maldives again.
PEPISCO: Wow, you’ve been to the Maldives?
EGGISTU: No, but I wished it before.”

You sneak into my room, unnoticed; you gently touch one bit of my naked body after the other until you find the most desirable place, then you start sucking. Stupid mosquitoes!

Today, I found a mosquito, I sat right next to it and kept on buzzing so he would see what it’s like, not being able to sleep!

PEPISCO: What can I eat in the evening in front of the TV that wouldn’t make me fat?
EGGISTU: Your fingernails.

My step mother came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, “Now off with the skirt.” I did, and she continued, “Now take off my stockings.” And when I did that, she said, “Now the bra and the panties.” I took them off. She continued, “And don’t ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!”

PEPISCO: Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?
EGGISTU: No, how?
PEPISCO: I’ll tell you tomorrow.

EGGISTU: Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?
STRANGER: No, not a soul, actually.”
EGGISTU: Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!”

PEPISCO: Why don’t rednecks get sick so often?
EGGISTU: Germs have their pride too.

TEACHER: Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
EGGISTU: They can’t stand fast food.

TEACHER: How many gorillas do you think can fit into a car?
TEACHER: How many chickens can fit into the car?
EGGISTU: None, the car is already full of gorillas.

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